Self-recovery and self-care in the new year.
When this year began, I had lost everything. I was still recovering from a relationship that had left me broke and brokenhearted. I was a complete mess. If it wasn't for the generosity and kindness of a few friends like Angel, Lilly and Juliette, I would have been in a ditch. I had tried going back home but some of us were not made to live within the confines of our parents' homes.
My career had been on halt since the previous year, I was feeling like a failure and I liked very little about myself. My insecurities had doubled and my strengths were dwindling. The core of who I am, as a feminist and nonconformist, had been reduced to little glimmers of anger stiffled within. I was in so much debt and had almost no work.
As this year comes to an end, I look back and wonder where it had all started going wrong. But to cut the story short I have found everything I ever wanted, and I'm a bubbling little rebel again, so happy to be myself and completely debt free. I've done work that makes me happy and builds me, and a dreamy young man I adore declared his love for me as the first half of the year came to its end.
I'm a hopeless romantic all over again and enjoying being absolutely loved without shame or hesitation. Those who know me know that I always wanted a man who would treat me as an absolute equal, one that was honest, cooked for me and adored me. Someone that loved my shortness and my brain in equal measure.
He does. He's better than the dream.
There were times when I thought I was asking for too much from one man but through other black women who value self recovery and self-care, I have learnt to know that I deserve all this. And I have found it and more, the true depth, and not just the breadth of love and passion and understanding.
My hope is not for more, because I have found everything. It is for my fellow black women to learn to desire the things you deserve, and to mention those needs and choose them. Because it is possible to have it all. And I hope you get it all and be unapologetic about it because Jesus came that we might have life and have it abundantly.
Over a year and a half ago I was with someone who constantly made me feel like it was a crime to be a feminist. Today I am with someone who is not only a feminist but loves me more because I am a feminist and and brings out my best and fullest self. Someone who understands me in ways no-one ever has. We all deserve that level of human interaction and affirmation.
We all want successful careers, but we also deserve partners who build us toward those things that the world tells us we cannot or should not do. And my prayer, dear sisters, is that you don't give up on either, won't settle for less. Even good isn't enough. Demand for the greatest. You not only deserve the best but you can totally attain it.
Wishing you self-recovery and self-care in 2018.