Return my feelings


In the traffic at clock tower, I was robbed. Within the restraints of that closed up taxi, I couldn’t reach out and grab him or run after him like I’ve done before. I felt utterly helpless.  A conductor from the taxi behind us tried to grab him, but the thief was too swift for his hands.

Our conductor looked away, undisturbed. He had this look of “I’ve seen this before” on his face, as did other passengers.
Suddenly this violent crime became my fault, for being careless and not being mindful enough. This helplessness became misconduct. How could I forget, for one second, about thieves? And I began thinking, what life is this where to forget about thieves for one second, makes me the villain?

How about the police? What gives them the right to parade neighborhoods looking for jobless youths who do not agree with the regime and yet they are nowhere to be seen on the streets where thieves snatch phones and bags in broad daylight? Why haven’t they deployed at clock tower and grabbed these robbers the way they deploy at parliament? Why does my father think that the enemy of this country is the person who accuses the regime of not caring about the common woman? Why am I the enemy? Why do you talk about peace like you can see it? Why do you think it’s normal that in these last three months alone I have been attacked four times?

Why do you think I’m a troublemaker for wanting better than this?
Why must I come to terms with the fact that I can no longer take a walk at night in Kampala anymore? That I cannot go on a journey after dark by myself? That I no longer feel safe being in the taxi whether it is during day or night? Whether I have someone or not? That every time I see any male walking towards me I think he’s gonna grab my purse, or my ass or slit my wrist? Why are men okay with all this crime their fellow men are perpetrating? Why are women silent about how fellow women are treated? Why are you all part of the conspiracy to make this country hell? Why are you happy living in a shithole?

You accuse opposition politicians of mentioning what’s wrong with this country without offering alternatives. I’d like to offer you the opposite. I’d like to tell you what I want, how I want my Kampala to be. I want to take a walk with my boyfriend and not have insults hurled at me or him. I want to walk alone at night and feel the breeze on my neck without worrying that some angry male will torch me in the face and threaten to kill me if I scream. I want to take pictures at noon and not worry that my phone will be snatched. I want to walk through downtown and see people as my kin and not vultures from hell. I want my humanity back, my feelings returned. Is that too much to ask for? Can I be considered an enemy if I fight and admire those who fight to return basic humanity to my city?

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